I ate two pieces of toast at 4:00 this morning, just to have something in my stomach. And then the baby and I drove away. We drove through the misty dark and I squinted into oncoming lights. I have this problem with dark driving: all headlights look like
they’re headed straight for me. I have to drive straight into that misperception (and hope that if ever -god forbid!- a car was headed headlong toward me, I’d be able to react in time) and I do it and it’s fine, but how tense and tiring!
We were checked in at the hospital by 5:30, for the baby’s 5th sedation in about a month. The procedure itself should be a snap, but bookends on either side suck. Ulysses couldn’t have anything to drink before we even left the house this morning. Keeping him happy, or at least somewhat mollified, in a place he doesn’t want to be, without being able to nurse him, or offer him something to eat as he’s smacking his lips, “nah! nah! nah!” is hard hard hard. I hate this part.
But we watched the sun wake up over the city. I sang songs in his ear while pink swallowed gray, my lips buzzing against his hair.
(forgive any formatting weirdness, I’m posting from my phone while I wait for Uly)