I ate two pieces of toast at 4:00 this morning, just to have something in my stomach. And then the baby and I drove away. We drove through the misty dark and I squinted into oncoming lights. I have this problem with dark driving: all headlights look like
they’re headed straight for me. I have to drive straight into that misperception (and hope that if ever -god forbid!- a car was headed headlong toward me, I’d be able to react in time) and I do it and it’s fine, but how tense and tiring!


We were checked in at the hospital by 5:30, for the baby’s 5th sedation in about a month. The procedure itself should be a snap, but bookends on either side suck. Ulysses couldn’t have anything to drink before we even left the house this morning. Keeping him happy, or at least somewhat mollified, in a place he doesn’t want to be, without being able to nurse him, or offer him something to eat as he’s smacking his lips, “nah! nah! nah!” is hard hard hard. I hate this part.

But we watched the sun wake up over the city. I sang songs in his ear while pink swallowed gray, my lips buzzing against his hair.


(forgive any formatting weirdness, I’m posting from my phone while I wait for Uly)

Categories: Uncategorized | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “10

  1. Sweet mama. Sweet sweet mama.

  2. Christiane

    Thinking of you every step of the way.

  3. holding you both in my heart. that sounds so hokey and cliche, but it’s true. i truly am and truly do. x

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