“tell her that i miss our little talks”

pour over

The interim pour over coffee, a stop gap until we could replace a broken french press, has become the steady. It makes a fine cup. It makes two or three fine cups every afternoon. When The Baby is as busy as my baby has become, when the house is also home to much older children fond of leaving behind and dropping and forgetting so many tiny dangerous things, when you cannot remember the last time you slept for four hours at a stretch, when the husband’s work and commute load are (still) staggering, when you are not enough: you are glad for small rituals, for this moment, for any silly thing to which you can look forward.

Sometimes I think of something, “I should blog about that!” but then I don’t because, why? I don’t really have a focus here and I don’t know if that’s important or necessary or not. It seems like the blog trend has evolved from mostly personal essays as journal entries into themed brands. This isn’t a crafty blog or a photo blog or a food blog. Does that matter? And as much as I am, indeed, focused on Ulysses now, and as much as he has, of course, changed everything, I don’t want this to be solely a “mom of baby with disabilities” blog either. So I guess I’m old school, blogging like it’s a diary, if that diary was a kept on the coffee table and not under the bed. I need to give myself permission to write here whenever I feel compelled, without second guessing intent or audience interest. I hate that I started second guessing myself at all. This is still such a quiet place, but Uly’s story brought more of you here and I need to not be weird and self-conscious about that.

I have this new compulsion: when I come across a blog that’s written by another mama with a “special needs” child, I must go back through the archives and read every word. Well, not every literal word, but I definitely scan through old entries, inhaling their experiences, the hard stuff, the triumphant stuff, the boring ass normal stuff. I think I do this because in my everyday life, I don’t know anyone facing similar challenges. It’s a little lonely being the only person dealing with hospitalizations and therapies, the only one swallowed alive by medical bills. But when I read other wonder-baby-included blogs, even when the entries are about any dumb thing, I don’t feel lonely. So maybe my blog focus is Normalcy. All true words, some difficult, some great, all fit for public consumption, but not candy coated. Ok.

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Categories: Uncategorized | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on ““tell her that i miss our little talks”

  1. tell her to keep on keeping on being true to her and being real. tell her that she is loved and that her story, the ordinary and extraordinary, are all valuable and what she chooses to share is treasured. any and all of it. x

    wish we could have a cup or three of pour over together and i could chase your littlest around or build trains with your middle or paddle with your oldest while you sat, wrote, read, watched an episode (and ore) or took a nap.

    what i’m trying to say is i wish our lives overlapped in the neighborhood (like old old times).
    xoxoxoxoxo

  2. Someday lets get together and watch our babies (who won’t be babies) hang out while we watch a little Gilmore Girls, drink some coffee (you) hot cocoa (me) and talk about all the normal stuff and not normal stuff we want.

    (we actually had another hospital appointment last week and got together with our friends who also have a daughter with missing arms/leg discrepancy and it’s really, really great to hang out with other families who “know” and just be.)

    • yes, let’s do that someday! I’m behind on comment replies over here but I didn’t want your sweet words to be left hanging. your comments are always especially encouraging to me.

  3. Alexandra

    Hi Miggy, just read your blog and Uly’s was next. It was funny (don’t know why) to see your name in comments. That was a side note I guess. I don’t know. Sorry. My brain is scattered tonight.
    I want to say …. I don’t know what I want to say …. and it is harder because English is not my 1st language. But ….. I don’t have a blog. I read blogs. I like blogs that are about life. The real shit, you know? Not unicorns and rainbows all the time. Sure, everybody needs unicorns and rainbows from time to time. But sometimes life is shity.
    Don’t second guess. “Mom of baby with disabilities” is part of your life, but it does not define you.
    Oh, and as for french press, check here. Don’t know if it is good brand but I love this site. Purchased many items from them: http://www.nobetterdeal.com/shop/en/nbd/for-the-home/small-appliances/coffee-tea-espresso/bodum-chambord-coffee-press
    Also, saw couple of french presses at TJ Maxx and Home Goods. Cheaper prices then regular store for sure.
    The most important note, Please, PLEASE, don’t you ever write that you are not enough!
    I guess Ii should flip my sentence order, ha? Like I said, scattered brain tonight.

    Alexandra

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