Ulysses did not invent sticking a foot in his mouth, but every time he does it I am amazed and so freaking proud. I don’t even know how he does it, but he does. (This is something I really did worry about! How would he be able to suck on his own toes? If you saw his legs, you’d also wonder. How?) You know what I love about babies? Nobody could ever accuse them of not “living up to their full potential”. Babies are nothing but potential. They always do their best.
Please don’t ever feel sorry for Ulysses. Please only admire him. He isn’t “missing” anything. He’s got more than you know. He doesn’t flop around bemoaning his lack of bones and tendons. He’s every bit as curious and interested and able as any baby you’ve ever met.
It’s late and everybody else is asleep and I haven’t been sleeping well at all lately and I might be extra maudlin, but right now I am thinking this true thing: Ulysses is exactly who he needs to be. As his mama, sometimes I am gutted by the hugeness of his differences. I say words like “knee disarticulation” now like I’m talking about “please pass the salt” but don’t think it doesn’t still stop me, sock me, overwhelm my every thought. It’s a lot, to anticipate your baby’s bilateral leg amputations. It’s a lot to be able to muck through the small stuff with such big stuff looming. It’s a whole lot. And I can’t even tell you how often I think I’m not up to this. I can’t tell you how often I think I’m not strong and brave and good enough for this boy. Every day I question myself.
But every day I look at this sweet face. Look at this face! He is a love. We love this baby so much.
(sorry. no actual picture of said foot-in-mouth, as every time i grab the camera to capture it, he becomes fascinated by camera and stops. these four from a recent afternoon beach visit. i’m behind, as always, on picture uploading and blog writing. this entry started as a fast one-off facebook status update, but i decided to expand it over here. i don’t write much over there anyhow. i don’t know what i was thinking. i’m listening to the tallest man on earth’s Little Brother right this moment which is ironically sweet. i love when life’s synchronicity creates a perfect soundtrack. my life-as-a-movie seems big and scary a lot, but i have to believe the ending will be happy.)