After more than a decade of avoiding cow dairy, I started eating ice cream again when I was pregnant. Not any ice cream. Only one kind: Straus Family Creamery Organic Coffee Ice Cream. It’s expensive but I’d pay twice as much, if it came to that. It is the best. Throughout last fall, I said I’d stop eating it after the baby was born. For the week before his birth and a number of weeks afterward, I could barely make myself eat anything. But once “the baby” (I really do call him that. good morning, The Baby! I say every day) was settled into his position in our family and I became more comfortable with everything about him, my taste for my favorite ice cream came back. I don’t eat it every night, no. But I sure look forward to the nights that I do. It helps.
It’s been a rough adjustment. I am so glad we have his heart surgery behind us. I wish I could have some kind of eternal sunshine of this mother’s mind performed on the part of my brain that keeps remembering him being tubed and cut. Of course, I didn’t actually *see* that stuff happening, but after I handed him over to the anesthesiologist and they walked into the operating room, it was all I could think about. I don’t even have to imagine that hard. I know what the surgery entailed, I know what he looked like directly afterward, I can fill in the blanks. And those images wake me up in the middle of the night, still.
So what I’m saying is that I appreciate small pleasures. I am glad for little distractions that make a difference.
And I am incredibly grateful for all the people who are the coffee ice creams in my life.
Local folks have brought numerous meals. Far away pals have sent thoughtful things in the mail. Many of you have emailed encouraging words. A dear friend of mine flew out from Phoenix not only during that difficult week surrounding Uly’s birth, but last week, as well. I honestly do not know what I would have done without that friend, who put her own life on hold to help out with mine.
For a lot of reasons, I really ought to wean myself off of my ice cream vice, but I confess I will likely remain dependent on the goodness of others for some while yet. Before the end of this year, he’ll have more surgeries. In the meantime, we have worries about whether or not he has other issues, are we missing anything? Some days I have barely been able to keep it together, but I would have fallen apart completely if not for the help we’ve received.
(yes, another cheater phone picture, previously posted on instagram! i can barely string a few coherent words together lately, so careful picture taking with an actual camera is probably some way off. but the baby! he is so sweet, you don’t even know.)